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Avast, ye sea dogs!
Tuesday, September 19th, 2006 06:07 pm'Ere's a jolly tale for ye this Piratey day...
Seems a landlubber hied himself t' a tavern one day, and spied at th' bar a salty sea dog fresh from 'is ship. All dressed in 'is finery, 'e was, wi' 'is cocked hat and fine red coat, and 'e 'ad not only a pegleg, but an 'ook for an 'and and a patch o'er his eye as well.
So seein' as 'e 'ad little to do that day, the lubber sits 'imself down next t' the gent, plunks a bit o' swag down on th' counter for a bottle o' rum, and proceeds to ask if 'e is, indeed, a pirate.
"Aye!" said the pirate, "that I be. Red Dog Robinson's me name, and pleased to make th' acquaintance of such a generous lad, even if you do be a scurvy landlubber, says I." The lubber asks 'im then 'ow it was that 'e lost 'is leg.
"Oh, that were an 'orrible thing," says the pirate, pourin' 'imself a fine finger o' rum and downin' it. 'E slammed the jigger on the table and said, "It were ten year ago, off th' coast o' 'ispaniola. A ragin' stormy night it were, and what wi' one thin' an' another, them waves knocked m' clean off me bloody ship. Th' men managed to throw me a line, but them waters were sore infested wi' sharks, and a big 'un leapt righ' up as they was 'aulin' me aboard, and took me leg clean off at th' knee!" An' 'e stamped that peg on the ground to prod the point.
Th' lubber allowed that were a right 'orrible thing. Then 'e asked how the pirate lost 'is 'and.
"Oh, that were a terrible day," says 'e, shakin' 'is 'ead and reachin' for another bit o' rum. "Only time I were e'er beaten by a cutlass. 'Twere Blackbeard Teach 'imself what took i' off, and the scurvy dog 'ad t' cheat t' do it! One o' 'is whelps come up from be'ind an' tried t' grab me, an' while I were grapplin' wi' 'im, Teach swiped me 'and clean off. But I did as well as I were done by, for I flipped that mangy dog off me back onto that blaggard, knockin' 'em both down before I pinned 'em like shishikebab wi' the blade in me other 'and!" And 'e slammed that good 'and on the bar wi' a shout.
Well, this tale 'ad the lubber lookin' a mite pale, as it were, and it took a bit before 'e gets up 'is 'eart to ask about th' eye.
"Arrr!" cries the pirate. "That be th' worst of all, says I! 'Twas a day I'll ne'er be forgettin'!" At this th' pirate takes th' 'ole bottle, jigger be damned, and near empties it at one go. Gaspin' as 'e sets it down, he says, "Me an' me lads were jus' makin' land in th' 'arbor at Tortuga, loaded wi' swag an' ready fer some fun, when a damn poxy albatross flew up over th' ship and SHITE IN ME EYE!!"
'E roared this last s' loud, th' lubber near jumpt out 'o 'is skin. After a moment, tho', he asks, "That's it? An albatross shit in your eye? That doesn't seem so terrible."
Th' pirate stares at th' lubber wi' a look in that one eye tha' could slice th' boy t' cutlets. "No, y' scurvy nit, it weren't," sneered the salty dog. "But y' see, that were th' first day I 'ad me 'ook!"
Seems a landlubber hied himself t' a tavern one day, and spied at th' bar a salty sea dog fresh from 'is ship. All dressed in 'is finery, 'e was, wi' 'is cocked hat and fine red coat, and 'e 'ad not only a pegleg, but an 'ook for an 'and and a patch o'er his eye as well.
So seein' as 'e 'ad little to do that day, the lubber sits 'imself down next t' the gent, plunks a bit o' swag down on th' counter for a bottle o' rum, and proceeds to ask if 'e is, indeed, a pirate.
"Aye!" said the pirate, "that I be. Red Dog Robinson's me name, and pleased to make th' acquaintance of such a generous lad, even if you do be a scurvy landlubber, says I." The lubber asks 'im then 'ow it was that 'e lost 'is leg.
"Oh, that were an 'orrible thing," says the pirate, pourin' 'imself a fine finger o' rum and downin' it. 'E slammed the jigger on the table and said, "It were ten year ago, off th' coast o' 'ispaniola. A ragin' stormy night it were, and what wi' one thin' an' another, them waves knocked m' clean off me bloody ship. Th' men managed to throw me a line, but them waters were sore infested wi' sharks, and a big 'un leapt righ' up as they was 'aulin' me aboard, and took me leg clean off at th' knee!" An' 'e stamped that peg on the ground to prod the point.
Th' lubber allowed that were a right 'orrible thing. Then 'e asked how the pirate lost 'is 'and.
"Oh, that were a terrible day," says 'e, shakin' 'is 'ead and reachin' for another bit o' rum. "Only time I were e'er beaten by a cutlass. 'Twere Blackbeard Teach 'imself what took i' off, and the scurvy dog 'ad t' cheat t' do it! One o' 'is whelps come up from be'ind an' tried t' grab me, an' while I were grapplin' wi' 'im, Teach swiped me 'and clean off. But I did as well as I were done by, for I flipped that mangy dog off me back onto that blaggard, knockin' 'em both down before I pinned 'em like shishikebab wi' the blade in me other 'and!" And 'e slammed that good 'and on the bar wi' a shout.
Well, this tale 'ad the lubber lookin' a mite pale, as it were, and it took a bit before 'e gets up 'is 'eart to ask about th' eye.
"Arrr!" cries the pirate. "That be th' worst of all, says I! 'Twas a day I'll ne'er be forgettin'!" At this th' pirate takes th' 'ole bottle, jigger be damned, and near empties it at one go. Gaspin' as 'e sets it down, he says, "Me an' me lads were jus' makin' land in th' 'arbor at Tortuga, loaded wi' swag an' ready fer some fun, when a damn poxy albatross flew up over th' ship and SHITE IN ME EYE!!"
'E roared this last s' loud, th' lubber near jumpt out 'o 'is skin. After a moment, tho', he asks, "That's it? An albatross shit in your eye? That doesn't seem so terrible."
Th' pirate stares at th' lubber wi' a look in that one eye tha' could slice th' boy t' cutlets. "No, y' scurvy nit, it weren't," sneered the salty dog. "But y' see, that were th' first day I 'ad me 'ook!"
