Marble becomes sand, and all that remains is the moonlight

[serai]

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Great. So now neither of them will talk to me.

Casey's afraid, in pain, and reluctant to do anything. Zeke is so hurt and enraged that I can't even get a glare out of him, he's so knotted up with anger. I can't say I blame him, not one bit.

And the saddest thing is, I'm beginning to understand why people abandon WIPs. I'm certainly not feeling very enthusiastic about opening myself up again. This thing is incredibly special to me, and a very delicate balancing act. These characters are precious to me - ALL OF THEM - they're giving me an amazing gift, something I never thought I'd get EVER, and seeing the reactions lately is making me question the whole idea of sharing the story in the first place.

Indeed, one of the conditions Zeke is demanding for continuing the tale is that I not tell anyone what he tells me. Is this how stories die out here? Because it sure feels like it to me. I feel like I'm hugging my little nephew and trying to get him to tell me how it happened that he got beaten up on the playground.

I'm more upset and depressed than I can find words for. I love that story, or rather, I loved it. Whether I ever get it back or not, I fear I'll never be able to recapture the feeling I had even just a week ago, and even if I do, I'll think long and hard about whether I want anyone to read it. One bout with that kind of sucker-punching is all I need, thank you.



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Comments

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry it's causing you so much pain. I wish I knew what to say to help, but I don't. When you give your heart to a story and your characters, it can break it, I know.

[danae_b]

Maybe you just need to give them some time? Let them cool off? If you give Zeke enough time, maybe he'll be okay with you sharing his stories one again? You have such a great connection with these guys, in how they speak to you, and... and, well, Mews said it kind of, but you give yourself over completely to your characters. They speak through you. So... yeah. Maybe you just need to give them some time?

Give yourself some time, as well. If you feel like jotting something down because someone starts talking to you? Let it come back naturally, it's fragile and precious, this gift that you have to capture these character's voices.

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Yeah well, I don't know many teenage boys who'll stick around when people are pissing on their moms. He's seriously angry. If I had enough of a readership, I'd give him his head so he could lash out openly. Remember "I'll Have No More of It", that fic I wrote where Sam bitched out everyone who spoke against Rosie? Yeah, that's what this feels like.

But you're right. I can't push it. It they come back, they'll come back. But I don't know if I'm going to post my writing here anymore. On top of everything else, my LJ's completely crapped up now, so I feel violated that way, too. It feels like everything got ripped away from me at the same time. The whole point of this LJ was to post my writing, but if I don't feel safe doing that here, why keep going with it?

[danae_b]

Oh yeah, I do remember that one. And... well. Even if it isn't something you end up posting, you could always write it anyhow? I could see if maybe helping? Because yeah, teenaged boys can have mom issues, but it's still their mother. There's just some things you don't say about a boy's mom!

I'm doubly determined to try and start figuring out style stuff for lj again. I'll let you know how that goes, okay?