I've really gotta stop trusting Michael Mann

[serai]

.

If any of you have considered going to see Miami Vice,


Don't. Just don't.





Now, back in the 80's, I watched the show religiously. The Friday night ritual: over to my friend Indian Mike's house, smoke a bowl, watch the new Twilight Zone at 8. Then out to the market for munchies, come back, smoke another bowl and settle in for MV at 10.

Don Johnson? Yum on a stick. A great combination of fuck-you charm and serious intensity. Quite the hottie. (Loved those ice-cream suits.) And the whole show was a great combination - sordid underworld dealings peppered with goofball moments, all taking place in a brightly colored, scantily clad, fun-soaked version of Miami. Kinda like Disneyland, only with cocaine and tits.

I can't emphasize that visual style enough. It's really what made the show unique, and it balanced out the unpleasant nature of the subject matter. MV during those first three years wasn't like any other show, and that odd combination of slime and fun was endearing in its way. I certainly enjoyed it.

But after a while, Mann got bored and began tinkering with it. The look darkened, the tone darkened, and the show lost its charm. It seems superficial to say that a drama could really lose its appeal just because it's set in dark blues and blacks instead of white, pink and pistachio green, but strangely enough it happened. The visual change set off a tone change, and suddenly the show was a lot grimmer. And I don't know about you, but I had no interest in watching humorless cops chase degenerate rats week after week. No color, no spark, no fun, no way!

And damn if that isn't the case here. Speaking honestly, I never expected the return of that earlier sensibility. I've seen enough Mann films in the last twenty years to know that he's Much Too Serious for that kind of nonsense anymore. Pity. But I do have a bit of a thing for Colin Farrell, who can be quite mesmerizing (check out The New World if you don't believe me), and I'd hoped that at least it would be entertaining in an energetic shoot-em-up sort of way.

As my man Jason Jones is wont to say, "Ahahahaha...no."

For one thing, the plot is your average drug cops vs. drug dealer switch-and-bait yaya, only there's enough twisties for about three of these films. And unfortunately, none of the elements are particularly interesting, so it's just a constant merry-go-round of cookie-cutter villains, dull set pieces, vaguely plotted escapes, and foregone conclusions. I'd have been looking at my watch if I wore one. *yawn*

Also, the whole deliciously subconscious Crockett/Castillo slash vibe is quite gone. Edward James Olmos's odd, brooding lieutenant with the samurai fixation has been replaced by the generic Boss Cop. You know him; he's big and black and has no hair. He's been in countless films and is a staple on cop dramas. The actor playing him here does an adequate job, but all the tension in that relationship - gone. Damn. I really missed the sexy lapdog routine that Crockett would get into whenever he was around the lieutenant: Should I kill him? I can kill him if you want. Let me kill him! Some filmmakers are party poopers. *pout*

And my third disappointment is the aforementioned Colin. I think Mann might have some kind of jealousy thing going here because dude, what the fuck is up with that hair? First of all, I'd think by now everyone would know that Blond Does Not Work On Colin. NO. Just NO. And that cut. And yo, I don't remember Crocket going days without a friggin' shampoo. The man knew how to look good, and Greasy And Unshaved definitely wasn't it. Colin still has his wonderfully expressive eyes to work with, but damn if it isn't hard hearing that native charm of his under all that Noise of Slob. *HMPH*

Upsides? Let's see. Ummm...there's a couple of nice sex scenes. Mann's pretty good with those. What else? Hmm...the script is convoluted, the performances are dialed in, the design is murky and often hard to make out. The soundtrack is formulaic. Damn, this is harder than I thought. Mmm...nope, I got nothing.

It usually takes about three howlers to drop a director off my radar, and this is it for Michael Mann. Every one of his films is the same fucked-up combination of trying to be Slick/Cool/Sexy and Sober/Righteous/Romance Of The Law, and somehow it just doesn't jibe. It's tired and hackneyed, and it certainly has none of the spark and sass of the early Miami Vice. And you know, those first three years of that series have been the reason I've given his films as much of a chance as I have - because I remember the fun of those Friday nights, the pretty bright stucco locations and Tubbs's sharkskin suits and the houseboat and Elvis and all the rest of it. And they're pretty much the reason Mann has failed my test. Because it seems like the only thing he ever did that was any fun watching has turned out to be a fluke.

Oh, well. Guess you can't have everything.


P.S. You'll notice I haven't said a word about Mann's fetish with the handheld. What is it with the handheld?? Why do directors do that??? Tell me, PLEEEASSEEEE!!! Because coming out of the theater with a headache is not conducive to a positive opinion of the film, you know?

Just sayin'.

Comments

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

I agree with you about the show. It was great looking and great fun, until he started trying to change it. And I used to just love to watch the interaction between Castillo, one of the greatest characters in series television, and Sonny. I read the People mag review of MV, and it said pretty much what you've said, only not as well. In the same magazine, there's an article about Colin Farrell and how he was taking prescription painkillers and partying all night during the shoot. It's a wonder he managed to finish it at all. He checked into rehab right after it was done. He's thirty now, and he may even be growing up a bit.

[serai1.livejournal.com]

how he was taking prescription painkillers and partying all night during the shoot.

Ahaha, that makes so much sense! He has that puffy, sleepless look through a lot of the film. I'm glad he's getting his shit together, because he is DAMN when he's on his game.

[oxer12.livejournal.com]

One of the morning DJ's here was talking about the utter lack of any of the TV show in the movie. Not to mention no theme song! WTF is up with that? If I'm going to see a movie called Miami Vice, I want some goddamn synthesizers!

Entertainment Weekly gave the movie a 'B', which surprised me.

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Well, they did get some dumbass alterno-rock band to do a watered-down version of In The Air Tonight for the closing credits, but that was just a pathetic sop to those of us who remember the series. Feh.