Alternative Tolkien - Chuck Yeager
Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 09:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serai.
Chuck Yeager
We didn't have a lot of fancy elves around where I grew up. I always thought they were pretty, but something about them smelled a little weak. Not that there's anything bad about them... actually, I like them a lot because they make all those pretty things that girls seem to like.
Most of the girls where I grew up were good. Too bad a lot of the guys didn't notice. I learned as much as I could about them, and about the guys too. Seems a lot of the people there just weren't paying attention to each other.
Frodo was a good enough guy. He always knew what to do when a girl came around, so I was really surprised when that old Gandalf came around trying to ruin our fun. But Frodo, he needed something more. I liked the little fellow, so, if he was going to stop chasing after girls for a while, I figured I better go help him find whatever he's looking for so we could get back to what is important: Girls.
But, whats-her-name is pretty nice lately... not worried about what others think, just making me feel good. After I get finished helping Frodo not get himself killed, I think I'm just going to hang out with her. Thats a lot more fun than "finding myself", or whatever it is these guys think they need to do.
So anyways, Gandalf doesn't seem to like girls since you never see him with one. He probably thinks he's saving the world or something. I wonder if he even noticed that girls like Rosie don't care about all that.
That Gollum guy is the worst of the lot. All he does is talk to himself, and I think half of him is a girl. Poor guy. He should be put out his misery since he can't seem to get over himself.
I sure wish Frodo would find himself. I'm hungry and I miss Rosie. I was having fun looking at those crazy oliphaunts untill those damned bad-guys came along making thier messes. They make me so mad I just want to spit in their eye, and that's what I've been doing. It seems to make a lot of the non-girl-lovers happy, if you catch my meaning. If I don't bust these Orcs' butts, I'm never going to get to hang with Rosie again.
Why are all these wimps looking at me funny? I'm just helping my buddy out so we can get home and have fun again. I don't think it'll ever be like it was, but if Frodo finds himself a Rosie, I'm sure our kids will do enough crazy stuff together and we'll all get a big laugh out of it.
Look, Gollums' sissy-side got the better of him. Ha. Looks like Frodo is free to go home now. I can't wait.
God, I wish everyone would leave this whole ring subject alone. We went, We saw, We kicked butt. It was our job. No big deal. We aren't heros, we were just a bunch of punks trying to pick up chicks and have a bit of fun. Of course, Rosie always knew what we we're really about. She's been really good about me leaving her at home and helping Frodo get over himself.
Too bad Frodo never did find whatever he was looking for. Maybe the elves and Gandalf and him are better off together. I'm sure they'll find another giant mess to get into, begging your pardon.
As for myself, I keep plenty busy nowadays with sleeping, eating, drinking, and watching these kids pound their chests with the other boys. I have a feeling they'll be running off soon to find some big adventure that most of the little girls will be impressed with. Not Pippin's little girl though. She wants the boys to stick around but the boys just won't listen. Poor gal, she's just like Rosie.
Rosie sure has grown old gracefully. If I hadn't been playing "cops and robbers" with her once already this morning, I'd give her a good romp right now, but I'm kind of tired... Oops, she caught me looking at her again and here comes that smile. Good, she doesn't want to play "cops and robbers" either. I'll just look out the window for a bit and see if there's any evil afoot. Nope. All is well. Maybe I'll take a nap.
Chuck Yeager
We didn't have a lot of fancy elves around where I grew up. I always thought they were pretty, but something about them smelled a little weak. Not that there's anything bad about them... actually, I like them a lot because they make all those pretty things that girls seem to like.
Most of the girls where I grew up were good. Too bad a lot of the guys didn't notice. I learned as much as I could about them, and about the guys too. Seems a lot of the people there just weren't paying attention to each other.
Frodo was a good enough guy. He always knew what to do when a girl came around, so I was really surprised when that old Gandalf came around trying to ruin our fun. But Frodo, he needed something more. I liked the little fellow, so, if he was going to stop chasing after girls for a while, I figured I better go help him find whatever he's looking for so we could get back to what is important: Girls.
But, whats-her-name is pretty nice lately... not worried about what others think, just making me feel good. After I get finished helping Frodo not get himself killed, I think I'm just going to hang out with her. Thats a lot more fun than "finding myself", or whatever it is these guys think they need to do.
So anyways, Gandalf doesn't seem to like girls since you never see him with one. He probably thinks he's saving the world or something. I wonder if he even noticed that girls like Rosie don't care about all that.
That Gollum guy is the worst of the lot. All he does is talk to himself, and I think half of him is a girl. Poor guy. He should be put out his misery since he can't seem to get over himself.
I sure wish Frodo would find himself. I'm hungry and I miss Rosie. I was having fun looking at those crazy oliphaunts untill those damned bad-guys came along making thier messes. They make me so mad I just want to spit in their eye, and that's what I've been doing. It seems to make a lot of the non-girl-lovers happy, if you catch my meaning. If I don't bust these Orcs' butts, I'm never going to get to hang with Rosie again.
Why are all these wimps looking at me funny? I'm just helping my buddy out so we can get home and have fun again. I don't think it'll ever be like it was, but if Frodo finds himself a Rosie, I'm sure our kids will do enough crazy stuff together and we'll all get a big laugh out of it.
Look, Gollums' sissy-side got the better of him. Ha. Looks like Frodo is free to go home now. I can't wait.
God, I wish everyone would leave this whole ring subject alone. We went, We saw, We kicked butt. It was our job. No big deal. We aren't heros, we were just a bunch of punks trying to pick up chicks and have a bit of fun. Of course, Rosie always knew what we we're really about. She's been really good about me leaving her at home and helping Frodo get over himself.
Too bad Frodo never did find whatever he was looking for. Maybe the elves and Gandalf and him are better off together. I'm sure they'll find another giant mess to get into, begging your pardon.
As for myself, I keep plenty busy nowadays with sleeping, eating, drinking, and watching these kids pound their chests with the other boys. I have a feeling they'll be running off soon to find some big adventure that most of the little girls will be impressed with. Not Pippin's little girl though. She wants the boys to stick around but the boys just won't listen. Poor gal, she's just like Rosie.
Rosie sure has grown old gracefully. If I hadn't been playing "cops and robbers" with her once already this morning, I'd give her a good romp right now, but I'm kind of tired... Oops, she caught me looking at her again and here comes that smile. Good, she doesn't want to play "cops and robbers" either. I'll just look out the window for a bit and see if there's any evil afoot. Nope. All is well. Maybe I'll take a nap.
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Date: Thursday, August 21st, 2008 10:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Thursday, August 21st, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC)LOLZ! I always love seeing these! This felt like a western or something. Very funny. A whole new side of Sam.