Um....wait, WHAT???

[serai]

.

Okay, I'm flabbergasted.


For the last three years, I have not made enough money to pay my income taxes. I kept putting off filing, one of those dumbass procrastination things where you hope it'll go away, especially when your income is so low that it's a tossup whether you'll end up with a bill you can't pay or you'll owe nothing at all. I haven't gotten any money BACK from the IRS for at least fifteen years now, so it was one or the other, and on top of the rest of my woes, I really wanted to hide my head in the sand and pretend the inevitable bills wouldn't exist.

Then about six weeks ago, I got a polite letter from the Feds saying basically, "Where the hell's the paper?" I made a few phone calls, got the info on forms, found out where the local IRS office is so I could keep being an asshat and file on THE VERY LAST DAY.

Yeah, I know. But I did it! And crossed my fingers that at least last year, when I hardly worked at all, might count to give me back a couple of hundred bucks to help buy groceries. (For those of you who don't know, which I know is practically everybody on my list, I've been on disability, unable to work for the last year because of a workplace injury. But that's a story for another time.) So I've been dreading the inevitable letter saying You owe us $X, please send your firstborn, kthxbi.


Just now, my dad knocked on my door, handed me my Netflix discs and three envelopes. From the U.S. Treasurey. Three window envelopes. With checks in them.



Two thousand. Six hundred. Eighty-one dollars. And seventy-four cents.


THE HELL???


I'm sitting here with my jaw still hanging open. Staring. I've rubbed my eyes at least three times. My dad watched as I opened the envelopes and we talked a little about how to deal with this, so I know I'm not hallucinating. Unless some weird mind-numbing gas cooked up in an underground government laboratory came out of those envelopes along with the checks. The beautiful, rainbow-colored checks with Lady Liberty on them. (Seriously, that's what they look like.)

Where the fuck did this come from? I KNOW I owe them money. I worked out the figures on the tax returns, and checked them three times. I was expecting to pay at least $1500, but this...WHAT??

My first reaction - which lasted all of 2.5 seconds - was to think, "You have to call them and find out what's going on." Don't worry, my dad instantly intuited what I was thinking and told me to stick the checks in the bank and shut the fuck up. (Paraphrasing there, but you get my drift.) I'd been thinking of switching banks anyway, so he said I could now do that. I said I'd rather just cash them and sock the bucks away under my mattress, because I don't want this money sitting in a bank account where the Feds might notice it and say, "Gee, how'd you get that?" and decide it was all a mistake anyway. We compromised, dad said open the accounts with the smallest check (SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS A SMALL CHECK AHAHAHA) and cash the others. So I guess I'll do that.

And that's about the extent of my ability to reason logically just now. My brain runs out of steam past that, because the idea of having this much money...gah. (And now you see the financial level I've lived at most of my life. The last time I was this rich was when I left my County job in Santa Cruz and they gave me a severance check of $3200. I felt like a QUEEN.) Of course, I'd rather have a job and a paycheck and a real life again, but...

I just...uh.


I'm gonna go try and think now. Wish me luck.


ETA: I just looked at the paper enclosed with the checks, and it says right there that the amount is different from what I listed on the return, and I'll be getting a letter in the next few days explaining why. So I'm not gonna run around hair-brained until I see that letter and I know for sure this Isn't. A. Fucking. Mistake.

Comments

[mews1945.livejournal.com]

Good for you! And your dad's right.

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Yeah, he is. Um...yeah.

My other reason for hesitating about the bank is that I know if I put all this money in there, I'll spend it. Whereas if I cash it out in crisp new $100's and stick it in my little lockbox, I'll be loath to even touch it, much less blow it on stupid crap. It's the curse of the debit card: convenient. TOO convenient. I've gained almost a worship of actual cash; it's almost a sacred relic to me these days.

*still dazed*

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

That's wonderful. I'd probably be checking the name on the checks repeatedly if it was me, but I'm glad for you anyway.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

But if it were me, I'd stash it for as long as possible in case those three checks represented some years and other years were coming back to bite you someplace soft...

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Also, like I said to mews1945 up there, if I stick it in the bank, I'll blow all of it. Poverty has made me better, but I still tend to be a spendthrift given the opportunity.

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Oh, I have, believe me. Several times. I'm STILL looking at them thinking I'm having a particularly cruel dream.

[serai1.livejournal.com]

I IZ RICH YALL!

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

oooh. Wow. I need to pay them about $1500 myself atm so that's some nice jackpot stuff! :)

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's unexpected and very welcome. :)

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

OHH, I hope, for your sake, it turns out to be not A Fucking Mistake!!!!

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Me too! *fingers crossed*

[frolijah-fan-54.livejournal.com]

What a great surprise!! I'm so happy for you!! ANd I agree with your Dad - take the money and run!!

[serai1.livejournal.com]

As much as I'd like to make like a bandit, I'm gonna make sure it's legit before I cash the checks. Last thing I need is for the IRS to come back with their hands out, expecting the money PLUS interest, who knows how long down the line. I've learned to CMA when it comes to this kind of thing!

[elycia.livejournal.com]

At least $1,200 of it is that one-time stimulus payment that originated in tax year 2007 but was paid in 2008 if you didn't claim it in 2007. Also, if you're officially disabled (and I mean by government standards, which are beyond flaky), you get extra deductions, plus it probably makes you eligible for the Earned Income Tax Credit.

Tax law is a giant, confusing, mixed-up bugger. That's why so many of us pay somebody else to do ours (therefore making THEM responsible when the audit team shows up at the door). ;-)

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm figuring it has something to do with the money the government's been kicking back to people over the last couple of years. I've never taken deductions on my tax returns, because I'm single with no family, so I've always just sent in my W2's with the 1040 EZ. Years ago that meant a couple of hundred bucks back, but like I said, I haven't seen that since 1995. Thus my utter astonishment.

Of course, it won't last long, as it's not really that much money. I'm minded of Lewis Black's comment on the $400 checks that Chimpy sent out to everyone some years back: "It's just enough money to make you realize how FUCKED you are!"

But hey, every bit helps! I'll probably spend about $300 on a few things I need, like another electric fan and maybe a new computer monitor. The rest will go into my little lockbox. It comes just in time for the higher electric bills in the winter. :)

Luck, hope it's good luck!

[strangerian.livejournal.com]

Absolutely take the money, but wait until they send the explanation as well. With any luck, you'll find that tax laws have changed over those missed years enough that you get to keep the moola. Even if there are strings, you have some cash in hand to work with.

Re: Luck, hope it's good luck!

[serai1.livejournal.com]

*nods* I'm not putting the checks in the bank until I see that letter, so I can be sure there will be no question of them trying to take it back later.