I can feel it, Dave. I can feel it...

[serai]

My attention is wandering. I'm not feeling very interested anymore. It's been happening for a while now, and there's been nothing to stop it.

Losing fennelseed has been a big blow to my fandom interest. She's my favorite hobbit writer, the one guaranteed to get a charge and a laugh and a happy sigh from me every time. She didn't post very much at all, but just the potential of another one of her fun, raunchy tales was always one of my prime drivers. And now that's gone. (By the way, I still remember the big fucking inconsiderate asshole who drove her to lurking in the first place, and being the kind of person I am, I do NOT plan to forget or forgive. EVER. Just sayin'.)

And billthepony has deleted too. That's happened before, but who knows if we'll get any more? It's depressing. So many of the good writers are shutting up shop or wandering off to other fandoms that aren't nearly as interesting or complex. Kiddie wizards? No thanks. Men in togas? *yawn*

There's nothing happening for me. Sam is silent, and so is Frodo. I'm in that sort of gray space where there isn't any kind of fandom spark at all. I've no particular interest in watching the films. The books aren't calling me. (But then, they usually go silent for a couple of years before I get the impulse to read Tolkien again - it's always been a cycle with me.) It's all sort of habit now, rather than actual fascination. I'll keep checking around to see what's being posted (still awaiting more RoP or ASD), but for the most part, eh. I think, like undone27, I blew my wad at ORC. That did close some doors for me.

Whatever. We'll see.


POSTSCRIPT:

Oh, and a note for all you writers with LJ's.

Could you please cut it out with the LJ deleting? That's really not necessary. If you decide you're tired of the whole fandom thing, or don't have time to deal with comments, etc., you don't have to snatch all your writings away from the people who might enjoy them in the future.

All you have to do is DISCONNECT YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS. You can do it from the Edit User Info page. Then you'll never hear about any comments if you don't want to. Just leave a last post saying you're not going to post anymore, and let people enjoy your stuff. Because it's a pretty sad blow to lose someone's work just because that person is bored/tired/pissed off. Imagine if we lost every copy of Catcher in the Rye or To Kill a Mockingbird just because Salinger and Lee didn't want to write anymore. Not cool, guys. Not cool at all. Your stories are like children, so don't commit infanticide. Keep a thought for all those people who might really enjoy reading what you write even if you don't want to hear about it anymore, ok?

Comments

[slipperieslope.livejournal.com]

((hugs))

It does hurt and it does piss me off, but I understand FS was having some ethics issues and I have heard a rumor that Bill will be back. I know Cara was having some mechanical problems with posting. The human heart is a fickle thing and our fandom is getting smaller, Then again some of us are stubborn sorts and intend to hang around for the seventy-fifth anniversary edition or at least the movie's blooper reel.

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Ethics? Do you mean the part about her not wanting to be famous? I could see that, but then internet issues are so easy to ignore. I mean, outside of my little flist, I have no clue whether anyone has ever talked about me online or not, nor do I care. *shrug* I'm just really sorry that she feels she has to disappear, when she could just drop all her contact info and only get as involved as she felt like getting.

[slipperieslope.livejournal.com]

OK, I am just repeating rumors third hand which is stupid and makes me uncomfortable but it was intimated to me that she was struggling with writing homoerotica secretly, unable to integrate it with her real life. The discomfort and fear of revelation, and if she was that worried about discovery, was she then ashamed of what she wrote? And then if she was ashamed was it right to be doing it at all? That is what I was told. Again third hand. A personal crisis of conscience.

[trilliah.livejournal.com]

Allow me to pass along her message:

I've taken down my pages and my LJ, and canceled my earthlink email address, not out of any great "statement," but merely to simply my life. I never wanted this fandom identity to become an industry that I had to maintain in five different places. I never wanted to be a big, well-known, debated name in the slash world. I only wanted to try my hand at writing these naughty stories, and whether or not they're ethically a good idea (considering Tolkien's own beliefs and styles, to name just one quandary) is something I have never quite resolved, so I'm more comfortable keeping them on the fringes and not in the center of anything.

It's okay that my stories are still out there on other archives. It's okay if you've saved them to your computer. And who knows, I may still crop up someday with a new one, and mail it to Shadow for West of the Moon, or to the Library of Moria. If you need to ask me anything, I can be reached at my old web-only mail address: fennelseed99@netscape.net. I might forget to check it for months at a time, though, so if you wail for me loudly enough on a message board, someone who knows other ways to reach me might pass it along.

My life is just fine; nothing is particularly wrong; and I wish everyone all the best. Be at peace, and enjoy the vast array of good stuff available to you out there for reading.

Cheers,
Fennelseed

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Oh. Hm. Well, having to hide what we write doesn't necessarily have anything to do with being ashamed. It has far more to do with not wanting to deal with the stupid crap that OTHER people would force on us were they to find out. At least that's the way I see it. There's no reason why we should have to put up with the kind of prejudiced screaming and clawing that prudes can impose on a person. And it can really ruin your life, or so I'm told. (I'm lucky that neither my friends nor my family give a flying fuck that I write slash. The most I get is rolling eyes.)

[serai1.livejournal.com]

You're welcome, hon. That's definitely one thing that ORC did, was slam the door on any interest in RP fiction in this fandom. Meeting Elijah there really changed the way I think about him.

And yeah, I'm not going anywhere either. I have no plans to delete or anything. I just don't feel at all engaged anymore. *sigh*

[aquila0212.livejournal.com]

I'm hoping that this year's crop of movies reinvigorates people. Right now, it's a desert out there -- alot of people are feeling like you do. *snuggles you*

[serai1.livejournal.com]

*snuggles back*

Well, the new movies won't change anything for me, since I have almost zero interest in RP fiction. Other than princessofg's American Football, I don't read any of it. So I can't see how that's going to help get hobbitfic going again, or at least result in anything I'd get enthusiastic about. *sigh*

[aquila0212.livejournal.com]

Well, they may get other people excited about hobbitfic again, and that might help jumpstart you. Sin City fic, anyone? :)

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Oh gods, no. I've seen the trailer and...no thanks. It looks all stylish and everything, but I am so fucking sick of comic book movies, I can't tell you. Especially hard-boiled shoot-em-up comic book movies. Everybody's going on about how "original" that movie looks, but to me it's just more of the same in a slicker package. I might go see it, but if Elijah's only in it for 45 seconds, then it sure ain't gonna be worth $11.50 to me. Probably a rental.

As to any excitement over hobbitfic happening, yeah maybe. I'm not holding my breath, though.

[wyna-hiros.livejournal.com]

I can't claim to really know what's going on with a lot of the authors (Fennelseed being driven into lurking is news to me - but I must have come in after that), but I wanted to say that I agree with the post-script especially. If you no longer want to be in that fandom, all you have to do is delete your contact info and no longer produce for that fandom - not delete everything practically.

-Wyna

[serai1.livejournal.com]

I think you did. It was a very ugly mess about a year and a half ago (or maybe two, can't remember exactly), having to do with warnings and pissiness and one particularly nasty LJer throwing tantrums and upsetting more than one good hobbit writer. Not cool and not pretty. I got VERY angry and posted a long rant about it back then. I just can't stand that kind of My-Virgin-Eyes, mememememe behavior.

And yes, no need to delete. Cassie left her VSD LJ up - as far as I know it's still there, even though she hasn't posted in at least two years. So people can still go and enjoy what she wrote, even though the series has stopped.

[blackbird-song.livejournal.com]

I miss Fennelseed, too, very much. I also hope very much that Bill will return, as she has before. I'm very sorry to hear that you're feeling so blah about writing Tolkien, but if the books go in cycles for you, perhaps the same is true of the writing. I love your writing, not that that's any great comfort, I realize, but I hope very much that you will be inspired again some day.

I couldn't agree with you more about your post script. I really do hope that more people will follow your advice. It was the reading of older fics that drew me into LotR fandom and the world of slash fiction, which in turn has invigorated my brain and had a very positive effect on my whole being, not just my writing (which still needs several good kicks in the pants). If nothing else, I will forever be grateful to this fandom for allowing me to connect with people I would never otherwise have met, including you.

Catherine

[samena.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with your postscript, and I must say that I'm very glad that, even though Fennelseed has taken down her site and her LJ, all of her stories will still be archived on West of the Moon, and other sites. I read a message she left about all this on a message board somewhere, and she specifically said she has no problems with her stories still being archived elsewhere. So, that's good. At least we'll still be able to read her stories.

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's very fortunate. To me, putting my stories up online is just as serious a decision as publishing them in a book. I don't feel I would have any right to yank all my writings out of stores or any readers' hands just because I didn't feel like writing anymore, and closing down my site would be the online equivalent of that. Once it's out there, it's out there, and I'd have to face that. How do people feel about Lucas pissing on them by deciding that nobody can have the original SW anymore just because he's changed his mind about it? Same thing, in essence.

[samena.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know what you mean. I think Fennelseed just didn't feel like being in fandom anymore, and she didn't want the hassle of maintaining a fic-site and an LJ anymore, but in letting her stories remain archived on the bigger FPS sites, she's still thinking of her fans as well. So I guess it's a compromise of sorts, in which all parties can be happy with the situation - or at least under these circumstances. We may not like the way she's handling this, but it's her decision, and I guess we should respect that.

[annwyn55.livejournal.com]

Me too.

{{{hugs}}}

[serai1.livejournal.com]

(((hugs back)))

Life is change, I suppose. It's the only constant there is. But it's sad, nonetheless.

[elasg.livejournal.com]

Though this might not be welcome, and I do understand about losing interest, I've been finding authors and fics that I missed the first time through and enjoying those. Perhaps you will find another author that you could like in some long forgotten archive? Hopefully they won't have all been deleted by the time we get to them. ;)

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Oh, I went through the archives ages ago and got familiar with just about everybody out there. (Just because I hardly ever comment doesn't mean I'm not reading stuff.) I know there are new people coming out, but none of them really spark any interest in me. The ratio of writing done to actual good writing is no better in hobbitfic than it is in any other form of writing, and with such a small fandom - well, do the math. I'm a real stickler for good writing. A piece has to be put together well and with care - bad grammar, crappy punctuation, anachronisms, all or any of these will make me close the fic and not come back. I'm just not willing to wade through the kinds of problems I see in a lot of online writing on the bare hope that maybe the thing'll be worth my time. So there's not much around that holds my interest just now.

[elasg.livejournal.com]

Ah well - I am just a slow reader, which probably helps - though I agree that there's not much that is really good out there - and I'd hazard a bet I'm even pickier than you! LOL! But I am always hopeful. And I guess I am also seeing friends starting to publish original works which is very exciting.

If you can take some advice from an old campaigner, even if you grow tired of the genre and the fandom, keep the friends. Some of my best are people I used to write Star Wars fanfic with back in the late 70's. Even though we are all in different fandoms now, we keep in touch and stay close. They made it worthwhile.

[elycia.livejournal.com]

I know there are new people coming out, but none of them really spark any interest in me.

Should I be taking umbrage at this? ;-)

Just pulling your leg. I hate to see the authors whose work I love disappearing as well.

[ex-lunarisi.livejournal.com]

I think we're just in a dry spell. LOTR has defined most of our lives for the last 3 or 4 years and it was so good, it's hard to move on, or even want to move on. I don't; I'm still here!! Weeee! I bought a new sketchpad so I could try my hand at *original* hobbit art.

I must agree with your request to leave authors' archives up. I am always finding new fics that may have been written way back in '02, but they're new to me. "Rites of Passage" comes to mind. That was one beautiful series and I hope she continues the saga.

Perhaps we could all inspire each other; Karadin seems to do a wonderful job of coming up with new challenges, both for art and writing. The Hobbit Art LJ community is always posting something new. And yet, I find myself in a rut as well; stepping back from the PC for a few days with the intention of coming back usually helps.

I'll never give up, even if I'm the last one around.

Oh! And I've started the next panel for "Black Land" now that I've got my Pshop muse back!

*big tight warm hugs to you*

[serai1.livejournal.com]

It might well be a dry spell. Who knows? I just know I'm not into it the way I used to be. When something really good comes along, I'm game, but most of what I'm seeing now just makes me go "eh". elycia just posted the finish to her Impractical Joke, which I really liked a lot. There are some things here and there, but very little that's thrilling me. Partly it's quality and partly it's burnout on my part. I guess I'm just tired.

Challenges might help. hobbit_smut gets me going now and then, but I can't rely on that kind of thing. I honestly don't know if I have any more in me; I may have said everything I have to say. I don't know. I do know the hobbits aren't talking to me now. Whether they ever will again is up to them.

I do look forward to your panels on my story, though. :) Very much. I'm really glad it's still inspiring you. At least it's good to know that the stuff I did write makes people happy. That's the only reason I do it, you know, because it makes me happy and I hope it does the same for others.

*big hug back*

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. You don't have to ask me to forgive you. I'm such a rotten commenter/correspondent/reviewer that I could hardly get annoyed at anybody for not jumping on such things quickly. I just hope you're enjoying the stuff I gave you.

The reading was good, yeah. But to answer that comment you made (see?): No, I could NOT do it as a regular gig. It's very much an occasional thing for me. Anything more than every two weeks would be way too much. As it is, I get one every month or so. That's enough that it still stays enjoyable. It's just extra money in my pocket now and then, which helps things. I tried to do it one on one, like a "real" reader, and HATED it. All those people paying money and hanging on my every word. Ugh. Horrible. The party gig is much better - none of the people I'm reading for have paid anything, and they're free to just take it as entertainment if they like. That frees me up an enormous amount. No pressure, no tension. That's the way I like it. :)