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Courtesy of @ebertchicago, I've been grooving on an internet meme that's been around awhile, but is still incredibly cool nonetheless:


Fake Criterion Collection covers


For those of you who don't know, The Criterion Collection is a company that restores important films and markets them on high-quality, extras-laden DVDs. (They started out with VHS, then went to laserdiscs, but well, we all know what happened to those.) Getting on Criterion pretty much guarantees that your film will achieve a level of ultra-geek hipness that sure doesn't hurt. Of course, they steer clear of pretty much all pop entertainment, preferring the classic, the out-of-the-way or the rare. Which conditions led to the meme, of course. One thing you can count on with internet geeks: we just can't leave anything alone. Especially the Photoshoppers.

So I thought I'd take a crack at it myself. Here are a couple of Fake Criterion Collection covers for films that will probably never make it into their ranks:


( The Lord of the Rings )

( Star Trek XI )


Hope you like 'em.

My copy of the Two Towers Extended Edition arrived yesterday. It's sitting right next to my computer, and I swear the damned thing is singing to me. In a low, seductive whisper, that morphs from one hottie voice to another. Sometimes it's Elijah, sometimes Sean, sometimes Dave, etc., etc. And they're all murmuring and whispering and moaning the same thing:

Watch me. Come on, babe, you know you want to. Come on. Just take me in your hands, spread me open and take me out. Pop open that slot and slip me in. I want you to. Come on, baby. I want you to watch me...

Ooohhhh, DAMN. I can feel myself wilting, wavering, about to give in.


Willpower's a bitch.