serai

Sean Astin is really something.

I just watched the 2T EE with the actors' commentary, and Sean had me in stitiches. And it wasn't just listening to him being funny and energetic and charming; it was equal parts that and wondering how in the world Elijah and Andy managed to avoid smacking him upside the head. What a motormouth. It was most maddening and endearing.

It was also interesting to hear the difference in Elijah's presentation because of Sean's style. When it was the four hobbits on the FOTR EE, the vibe was far more joshy and relaxed. Here there's a hum of tension between the three actors, not necessarily bad tension but tension nonetheless. Whenever Elijah is moved to say something, he leaps in quite forcefully and holds his train of speech with some strength, much more so than he ever did earlier, and rightfully so, because more than once Sean wrests the focus back to himself. Andy also does the same, and although it may sound unpleasant, it actually isn't. The feeling I got was that both Elijah and Andy know Sean well enough to realize that he's just like that - really wound up and intense when he's enthusiastic - and they just know how to deal with it. The whole thing makes for a very dynamic portion of the commentary track. Which is, of course, what one wants - something interesting to listen to.

And then today, I picked up a copy of Flaunt, and there on the contents page, guess who?

I Am a Selfish Jerk! And Why You Should Forgive Me...
by Sean Astin

Some title, huh? I really am selfish. I'm not just being self-deprecating (clearly I am being self-deprecating) but I'm not JUST being self-deprecating. As for being a jerk, as much as I am a fan of Steve Martin's, I don't have his comedic jerk in mind. I mean, I'm a real jerk. Not a really MEAN jerk but more of an affable, authentic, whatever comes after post-modern kind of, newly realized, introspective, can't help himself, put my needs first, contantly fumbling over my competing self-aggrandizing ideas, over-inflated, ego-driven kind of, maniacal, rationalizing my behavior kind of jerk, if you know what I'm getting at.

But, really, I think it's okay…I forgive myself frequently, and so should you...forgive me, and yourself for that matter, unless you shouldn't. But I guess only you or your family or your local police or your friends or your church group or the Feds or someone can be the judge of your own selfishness. I mean either you ARE, when push comes to shove and you look yourself in the eye, just as selfish as I am, or you're NOT. And nothing I'm going to write here is going to actually change your behavior, jeez...I'm writing this and have only a tiny, fleeting, sliver of hope that I'll remember this essay in 10 minutes or that by writing this, I will have adjusted MY thinking even a smidge or barely enough to even remotely effect a modicum of selflessness in something so seemingly small as my mind, or that which is presumably in my control, such as the way in which I think.

It's a quirky world and I've had a lot of interesting conversations with people I love and with those I admire, hmmm...oh yeah, and people I'm forgiving or tolerant of...I guess that covers everyone...see I told you I'm selfish - I forgot about my kids...no wait a minute, not only are they included in the aforementioned TYPES OF PEOPLE categories I've hodge-podged together, they fit every description on the list…

My point is...oh yeah, weird discoveries. I've made about folks while reflecting on the nature of CONVERSATION…

Someone once told me, "Mother Theresa is a f*ing fraud." Wow. Huh? Puppet of the church and all that they went on about...got me to thinking...IS...there such a thing as a truly SELFLESS act?

I think so, even when Death is not the result. Think about it for a minute.

Regardless of what you think about me or this essay or me, I forgive you! See? I'm pretty S-elf-(ish).

Special thanks to my brother Mack for calling me a jerk enough times for it to actually sink in.

Oh, my. I haven't laughed like that since...well, since I heard that commentary. Reading this essay, I wasn't sure whether it was a great example of Sean's sweetly extreme way of expressing himself, or an incredibly shrewd parody. But nope, there he is on the authors' page, with a lovely portrait shot, so it is him indeed.

My goodness. If he's that breathless on one page, imagine what reading a whole book of his is going to be like! :)