So just out of curiosity...

[serai]

...how do you guys deal with seeing people go on about how "lovely" someone is, when your experience tells you that person is actually not nearly so "lovely"?

Because you know, it can get a bit tiring.

Comments

[honeyandvinegar.livejournal.com]

Uhhhm... well, I had to deal with this once in the most EXCRUCIATING way. A girl from my graduating class had died in a car accident with her friends (dunno if it involved drinking or not, can't remember), and her son had ended up marrying another girl I'd graduated/at the time worked with. Said friend had a baby shower later on, and the mom was there. Her son was very nice--but there were TONS of probs with the dad, who'd actually been found out as the murderer in a local case, once DNA testing came into play. So this woman was NOT stable with everything that had gone on. I felt bad for her, but when the subject of her daughter came up, she started gushing all about "oh, she was SO NICE to everyone... she was friends with anyone, she loved people..."

I had to grit my teeth and smile, instead of saying, "Yea, I remember when she gave my good friend TMJ after kicking her in the face repeatedly one day!"

I guess I'd say to grin and bear it. Sometimes it just tears you apart, but if this person is "not as lovely", it's a sure bet that many others agree... they're just not saying anything.

[honeyandvinegar.livejournal.com]

Er... I'd meant "her brother had ended up marrying" etc.... Der hey.

[westmoon.livejournal.com]

Flip answer? Bitch about it privately to people I trust.

As an honest adult? Hmm, now that's a tough one.

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I haven't bitched about it to anybody because frankly, I've learned there's nobody you can trust on the internet. I've had people who swore they loved me forever turn out to be tattletales, so I'm extremely leery of talking about this in specifics to anyone who even remotely knows this person or anyone nearby. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say.

Which leaves me with ignoring it, which as I say is getting too old to do anymore, or defriending in pique anyone who spews that whole bootlicking crap. Which isn't a good option, either.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

If they ask me, I say, "no comment" and if they ask again I say, "well, everyone sees things a bit differently," and if they push I get blunt. "No, I'm not terribly fond of that person, and I have reasons, but you may have had better luck so far."

I am, however, told that I don't do politics well...

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Well, nobody's actually asked me anything. But I keep seeing that, and it's wearing on me. Because you know, a bunch of people who unfriended me for being a bitch go on about how utterly wonderful this person is, and I know it's not true. There's a difference between being a good person and sucking up to people who think the same as you. It's kind of disappointing to know so many people can't tell the difference.

[danae_b]

It depends. Mostly I'd just try and grin and bear it. The way I look at something is not necessarily the way other people look at the same thing. And just because I've had bad experiences with something, or someone, that doesn't mean that everyone has.

What I'm trying to say is that I'd do my best to be diplomatic about things. And not say anything in public, where it would no doubt end up biting me from behind.

[claudia603.livejournal.com]

It drives me to insanity is what it does...First I try honestly to look at it through their eyes. Maybe to them the person is really lovely. But it's hard if the person was not so nice to me or to my friends. If I can't see that loveliness, it leads to terrible cognitive dissonance (as princess said) and I end up feeling bewildered and a bit resentful that I'm not seeing what everyone else seems to. I do have a group of Very Trusted Friends here on LJ that email and filter to each other when we need to vent and we've had that little "nest" since 2003 or so and I suppose I would have gone insane without that by now!

[mollyringle.livejournal.com]

Bleh, I hate those situations. Keeping in mind I'm a nonconfrontational cowardly type who tends more toward sniping in private messages, I usually keep silent. Bad blood will out and all that--eventually people usually do figure out that the person in question is not lovely, and then they may come back around to being friends with you.

If it's an internet unlovely and not a real life person, just try to forget about it. We never know half of the things that really matter about others when we only know them from online, neither the good traits nor the bad. Annoying but true, and I've been a lot saner since deciding to care a touch less about the internet. :)