Some ruminations...

[serai]

...on the recent Elijah/photomanip thing.

A number of folks have posted about this today. Their posts, and those of the folks commenting, have made for very interesting reading. So here's my 5 pesetas.





Pretty much everyone whose reactions I've read has shown outrage, dismay and sadness over Elijah being shown what is reported to be an erotic photomanipulation of him and another man (possibly Orlando) during the recent press conference in Czechoslovakia. It's seen as an intrusion on his privacy and just a very rude thing to do. I happen to agree with that. It's always been my personal code to act in as civil a manner as possible around any famous persons I meet, especially those I admire. I mean, it must be very difficult to keep up one's better self with total strangers constantly - why in the world should I add to that difficulty?

But all this raises some interesting questions. As I said, everyone who's commented on this sees the event as a violation of Elijah's privacy and an extremely rude act, so we would never do it. The girls who did it saw it as an act of fandom and something fun, so they did it. The one thing we don't know is how Elijah sees it, because as so many have commented (and rightly so), we don't know him.

Yes, he winced when he saw the pic. But what did he do then? He laughed and commented on it to the audience. After the press conference, he talked to the girls who gave him the pic. What did he do with the pic afterward? Nobody knows.

So what can we deduce? That Elijah was surprised by the drawing. (We saw his expression when he opened the envelope.) That it did not enrage or discombobulate him. (Other than that first wince, he did not show any negative emotion over the pic.) That he is gracious enough not to let it faze him, and that he found it trivial enough that he felt okay with telling the audience what he'd seen. (He could easily have put the pic down and pretended it never happened, and passed any questions off.) That it neither shocked nor disgusted him enough to snub the girls, nor scared him enough to alert security. (He could have thought it perfectly within his rights to just ignore them afterwards.)

Other than that, our own outrage and dismay is based on what we think of the event. It clearly is not based on what he thinks of it. It seems to me (though I might be wrong) that Elijah thinks far less of it than any of us do. I'm pretty sure it bugged him, but I'm also fairly sure not to the extent that it's bugging so many folks here.

In our anger, we may be playing out the flip side of the girls who gave him that manip, the chaste side of the "madonna/whore" dynamic. I'm not trying to put words in anyone's mouth or thoughts in anyone's head, but it seems to me we're making just as many assumptions about Elijah's reactions as the girls who thought the whole thing a blast, when we don't know anything about what those reactions truly are (assuming he hasn't already shrugged his shoulders and brushed the whole thing aside). It occurs to me that many folks feel very angry about this in just the same way that some parents get when their children happen across porn sites on the internet. They raise a great hue-and-cry over how their kids will be "traumatized", when the average kid would just think the images gross, or hysterically funny. That is, if the kid is balanced, self-confident and not given to freaking out over seeing the unexpected.

And this raises some very interesting questions about the sort of fandom we're all indulging in here. I speak now about the sexy-fantasizing, fic-writing, slashy sort of fandom. The kind that has only really found a vibrant life on the internet, where it's possible to be well-known internationally (though admittedly on a very limited scale) while at the same time remaining completely anonymous. The kind that most of us don't talk about in our real lives, except to very close, trusted people. The kind of fandom, interestingly enough, that most of us would never want Elijah to know about. (In fact, a number of people are concerned for fear of being hounded into silence, a fear that presumably comes from the assumption that he would look down or be upset about our activities.)

In the stories we write and the pics we make, we create scenarios and lives and worlds that do not exist, in order to place the people we admire (or lust after, which may be the same thing depending on your outlook) where we want them, and have them act out our private fantasies. Some of us are bolder than others, thus the wide variety of stuff created. But it all shares one common reality: We all treat Elijah like a Ken doll, when it comes right down to it. The only difference between us and the girls that shoved the pic in his face just to see what he'd do is that in our case, he doesn't know about it.

Now, understand what I'm saying here. I'm not making excuses for what those chicks did. Courtesy and civility have their own values, values worth cultivating for their own sake (and which are sadly disappearing, else this incident wouldn't have happened). See, that's the thing about courtesy and/or rudeness - their worthiness (or lack of it) isn't all based on what the recipient thinks. Whether Elijah would be upset or tickled by such a picture is irrelevant. I would not show it to him because I believe such a thing would be rude, and rudeness is Not A Good Thing. Only if Elijah were to look in my eyes and tell me with all honesty that he really enjoys seeing such things would I consider doing it.

But even so, all of these are my ideas about it. When I get put out by such a story, I'm reacting with my values and beliefs about behavior, not his. (After all, this is a guy who has dissed a friend's film in public, an act I found shockingly rude, and one for which I'd smack him upside the head were I his mother, not to mention his publicist!) But in thinking about this, I'm finding myself not quite so angry anymore, because I realize that, when it comes to Elijah's feelings, this whole thing probably isn't all that serious, that I really have no right to be outraged on behalf of a stranger whose opinions I'm not privy to, and that, most importantly, Elijah isn't some little kid likely to be traumatized and who needs me to keep him safe.

Elijah's an adult. Despite his joking about "Did I do that ever?", he knows perfectly well those pics are fantasies. They have nothing to do with him. All of us have commented on one occasion or another about how incredibly sure of himself Elijah seems, how balanced, poised and gracious he has managed to stay in such a crazy business, and how sweetly he treats others. He chooses to treat these sorts of incidents with equanimity, and not to fly into rages or burst into tears. (And we all know that neither of those reactions would be unheard-of from a Hollywood movie star.) He's never even said anything to the effect of "I wish people wouldn't do that. I really don't like seeing such pictures", which wouldn't be an outrageous reaction. To be honest, I can easily imagine him smiling at any one of us and patting our shoulders, saying "Hey, don't be so upset. It's not that big a deal, really. It was actually kind of funny."

On this occasion (as I understand it), a number of people descended on the LJ of the girl who posted the pics and left angry comments, admonishing her for her and her friends' behavior. Far from listening and feeling contrite, it seems she has simply locked her journal, and at this very moment is probably lamenting those posters' "meanness" to her friends. She may not have learned anything from this other than the idea that being open about her fannish activities is unwise. Had she been approached more gently, she might have regretted her actions. Something along the lines of "How wonderful that you met him! But you know, American guys can be very weird about such things, and you may well have upset him without meaning to" might have gotten through to her where anger and accusations most likely did not.

Just think of the folks who come to slash journals and post ugly flames about how disgusting we are. How many of us have ever paid any attention to such remarks (other than possibly being upset at the lack of sympathy inherent in them)? How many of us are likely to stop writing our stories because of them, and how many of us just ban the commenter or disable anonymous posting? (Heck, I've seen such reactions to a simple feedback or a challenging argument, let alone an actual flame.) In a word, how effective is anger in dealing with something like this, given that the deed is done and there's no remedy for it?

So may I gently suggest that we follow Elijah's very adult and eminently compassionate example? Instead of getting all upset and flying off the handle, let's use this event (and others like it, should they occur) not as excuses for anger or looking down on others, but as opportunities to try and set some of our less, er, controlled sistren on a quieter, less intrusive path. There would be less tension in the fandom, and we'd all be happier, if we did as Elijah does on these occasions - laugh, reach out, and keep the anger to ourselves.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.






ETA: OK, I've now seen the video myself, as I'd only seen a couple of photos before. I'm now convinced this whole thing has been blown way out of proportion. Yes, he was discomfited, but that's all the reaction he gave, at least to my eye. To me, it looked like his usually gracious "oh dear, what people get up to!" kind of reaction. I sincerely doubt that he felt hurt, threatened, or even very importuned by the pic. It was obviously not something he liked looking at, but neither was it something that upset him. He seems simply to think that anyone who makes such things is a bit nutty, and has tastes that are definitely not his own. but his reaction thereafter is "Hey, whatever". Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if, by the time he got back to his hotel, he'd forgotten the thing was even in his goody bag. Hoo boy!

Comments

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Hey, I fly off the handle too, on occasion. Being a complete bitch, I'm not always in control of my tongue. But it just seemed to me that this whole thing had gotten out of hand, and I remember being young and stupid in just the same way as these girls, and since Elijah didn't get mad, I thought "Man, y'all are just taking this too hard, and making it a reason to get crazy on people".

I'm glad you weren't offended by my frankness. :)

[loreley-se.livejournal.com]

No, I absolutely wasn´t! :-)