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Halle-fucking-lujah. FINALLY.

THANK YOU, Goddess.


*hugs her boy* Come here, baby. Tell me all about it. Mmmm...

*shuts the door*



(Anybody here ever been to Ohio? Or know much about it? I have a couple of questions...)
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I've decided not to post what I'm writing in High Contrast for a while.

As those of you reading it know, the pieces have been coming higgledy-piggledy, definitely not in chronological order. But the order that was forming worked, at least for me. The pieces dovetailed in a way I liked.

But I'm not loving the order in which they're coming lately, so I'm holding off in order to do some shuffling once I've got them written. So you might not see more for a while, until I'm satisfied that the rhythm it was in before has been restored - or works well, at least.

This is such a strange problem for me. I've never written anything with chapters before. I've even had to sit down and create a timeline to refer to! Feeling awfully efficient here, lol.

So that's what. I'm still writing, though. It's just not the headlong rush it was before. :)
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Man, this weather is killing me. For about three nights now, I've been wanting to sit down and start my next chapter. I'm building it structurally, but this fucking humidity just saps all the energy out of me and I stare at the keyboard and can't even get up the wherewithal to start.

When will it ever end??
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Taking a look at my home page on AO3, and I have 83 works posted there. Holy shit, 83. And that's not even all I've written, just the stuff I wanted to archive. Man, I had no idea I'd even written that much stuff.
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I have an interesting little problem which I'd like to get opinions on, if people have anything to say. This is especially germane for anyone who's got stuff posted on AO3 or other big sites.

LOTR was not the first fandom I wrote in. For a couple of years before that, I was writing in the Keanu fandom. It was all het, mostly character-based but some RPF. (In the Keanu fandom, it was basically ALL wish fulfillment fantasy, so nobody cared about that whole Mary Sue business. All that mattered was that it was good, whatever it was.) The gals reading my stuff did like it a lot, and I had a lot of fun with it.

(Side note: When I talk about My Muse? Keanu is the default. He dresses up as different guys - the latest one is obvious to all of you, I'm thinking - but in between times, when whatever obsession I've got fades off, He goes back to being that pretty half-breed Dorian Gray figure, with the down-pillow voice and restless hands and utterly spectacular smile. (Seriously, you have no idea of the wattage. It's a "you gotta be there" thing. It's blinding.) Before Keanu came along, it had been nearly ten years since I had crushed on a guy, so he kinda reset my clock, I guess. Regardless, when my Muse wanders back in after a dry time, that is the outfit he's wearing. Just FYI.)

So I've got this cache of stuff I wrote which is nowhere else on the web. Originally it went out through a Yahoo group that's defunct, then a few pieces went up here and there at friends' sites, which are also all gone now. So I'm thinking I'd like to post the stuff.

The question is how.

I'm very fond of these pieces. I think they're hot - they certainly got me off, they got other people off, and rereading some of them, I still get off on them. I think the ones that I would post (because I wouldn't post them all, oh no way, some are way too personal) would be enjoyable for anyone looking for that stuff. The thing is, I don't know if I want to embrace that earlier identity, to connect it with the handle I have now. I have no idea why I balk at this because frankly, who gives a shit? I really shouldn't think it's important, but somehow it is.

But then I think of the people I liked in that fandom, and how cool it would be if one of them was still around in it and bumped up against my stories. I think of how terribly much I miss Cat, and how great Shell's sci-fi porn was, and how comforting Chrys was when Nyquil went after me, and how Red and I would bounce bits of our MAAN fics at each other, and I get sad at how we lose each other, you know?

So I'm in a quandary here. Should I post them and risk having my handle connected with what would likely be seen as Mary Sue nonsense? Or should I keep them back to myself and risk losing the tiny chance of reconnection? It's not a life-changing decision, but it's something that's been hanging there for some time now.

Because I really do like those stories.

Any thoughts?

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So I finally got my fics up at AO3. Not all of them - some of my earlier stuff makes me wince, frankly, and I'm not letting them out of their LJ cages, thanks. But all the stuff I like is there.

My AO3 archive

Zeke has calmed down, thank the goddess, though now he's withdrawn instead of angry. I figure if I just play Salt Lick and sit quietly until he feels like talking, I may get this thing back. (Apparently he hates his stepfather, so that's interesting.)

Christ, why couldn't I be a fucking basket weaver instead of dealing with this insanity? Wicker wands don't have moods, I hear.


P.S. Jesus, I just started posting over there last night, and I've already got a bunch of "kudos" and a couple of comments. Not very interesting comments, but still - damn.

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The next part I'm working on is once again turning out to be very difficult. Casey is the one resisting, this time. Some of it is painful and he just doesn't want to face it.

Also, I'm bashing my head against a crossover plot bunny. I think it could be really good, but I'm having a hard time finding my way into it. The idea is there, but the story around it isn't coalescing. ARGH.

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I think the block may be loosening. Jesus, it's like pulling teeth. But I think the problem may have been that Zeke was pissed at me for misinterpreting a situation, and so insulted he wouldn't talk to me. This is what happens when I try to dictate to the characters I'm writing about - I forget the only way for me to get the story is to just shut up and listen. Well, Zekey boy has put me in my place, alright.

Oh, if he'd been at my high school I would have burned him down in a hot minute. Great Goddess, he's luscious. Have you ever had a taste of Mexican chocolate? The real Aztec kind, with almost no sugar but plenty of red pepper? That's my Zeke, that's the guy I'm writing about - dark and hot and biting with no sweet to leaven the burn. He's what he is and doesn't apologize or care what anyone thinks. He's not quite a predator yet, but he's learning fast, and finding he loves it. But he's sinking even as he thinks he's commanding the wave. I adore him.

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FML. I'm trying desperately to write my way around the fact that, now that it comes right down to it, these two sweet creatures are completely terrified of each other.

I did not expect that. I did not foresee that. This, for me, is one of the biggest frustrations and greatest delights of writing stories - realizing that a character has taken on his own life to the point where he refuses to cooperate. That is utterly thrilling. It freaks me out every time. I love it.

Now these two are circling each other, hungry, alert to danger, and so horny one touch could bring them off simultaneously. All I can do is wait, and watch them glowing like diamonds in the dark.

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It's finished. 3,422 words. Did I mention my Muse has a sense of humor? Because He does. I can only attribute this torrent to the hotness of His return in His new form.

Editing will have to wait til the morning, as I am wiped. Plus a headache. See you all tomorrow.