Hollywood meets Hobbiton

[serai]

My excellent good friend Cat and I were chatting today, and we were wondering what LOTR would be like if the cast were all Hollywood A-List performers. Perhaps a concept others have tackled before, but we had fun with it.

So here's our cast listing for the epic three-part Lord of the Rings, as packaged by CAA and William Morris...



Lord of the Rings - The Cast From Hell

Ashton Kutcher as Frodo Baggins
Tom Cruise as Aragorn son of Arathorn
Sean Connery as Gandalf the Grey
Adam Sandler as Sam Gamgee
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon as Merry Brandybuck and Pippin Took
Bruce Willis as Boromir of Gondor
Leo DiCaprio as Legolas Greenleaf
Danny DeVito as Gimli son of Gloin
Harrison Ford as Elrond Half-Elven
Catherine Zeta-Jones as Arwen Undomiel
Cameron Diaz as Lady Galadriel
Russell Crowe as Lord Celeborn
George Clooney as Haldir of Lorien
Jim Carrey as Gollum
Clint Eastwood as Saruman the White
Mike Myers as Grima Wormtongue
Brad Pitt as Eomer son of Eomund
Mel Gibson as Theoden King
Jennifer Lopez as The Lady Eowyn
Keanu Reeves as Faramir of Gondor
Jack Nicholson as Denethor the Steward
Tom Hanks as Bilbo Baggins
Drew Barrymore as Rosie Cotton
Anne Bancroft as Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
Robin Williams as Tom Bombadil
Meg Ryan as Goldberry
Christopher Walken as The Witch-King of Angmar
Tim Allen as The Mouth of Sauron
The Rock as Lurtz
Peter Falk as The Dark Lord Sauron

And of course, Arnold Schwarznegger as The Balrog


The three films would have three different directors, because a project that took that long couldn't go without a changeover in personnel.

The Fellowship of the Ring, directed by Joel Schumacher
The Two Towers, directed by Michael Bay
and
The Return of the King, directed by Steven Spielberg


Of course, the music would be by John Williams, and the costumes by whoever did Legend.


Edited to reflect some terribly clever suggestions by readers. Thanks!

Comments

You're welcome!

[serai1.livejournal.com]

I'll be giving thanks for PJ for the rest of my days, I think.

Heehee! Matt and Ben, can't you just see it?

Hey, where's my pipeweed?
You're asking me? Didn't you pack it?
If I remembered, would I ask you, asshole?
Hey, fuck you, Took.

(A couple of miles later...)

Hey, we got any mushrooms left?
Mushrooms? The weed's not enough, you need mushrooms now?
To eat, jagoff. I'm hungry.
When are you ever not hungry?
Hey, blow me, Brandybuck.

Re: You're welcome!

[willow-wode.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I think I would pay good money to see Dom and Billy do this dialogue...

These are fabulous, Serai!

*snickeringly confesses that she would also pay money to see Jack Nicholson do Denethor...*

Re: You're welcome!

[serai1.livejournal.com]

Oh man. Wouldn't that be hysterical? I'd see it as an older version of his character in The Shining. Remember how he slid down that slippery slope into madness? Oh, the Pyre of Denethor scene, Jack hamming it up to the nth degree, roaring at Gandalf in his best Jack-Torrance-possessed-by-demons voice! It would be Velveeta heaven!

Re: You're welcome!

[faida-sen.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

That almost makes me wish those two would do one of those profanity-laced MTV Movie Awards-style sketches of what Merry and Pip got up to in Fangorn. Almost. LOL!

Re: You're welcome!

[serai1.livejournal.com]

And of course, Ashton and Adam react to the bickering:

Frodo (whispers to Sam): Dude, those two are giving me a headache.

Sam (turning around): Hey, if you don't shut up, my frying pan's gonna get two more dents in it!

Re: You're welcome!

[layne67.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO

Hilarious!!!

And the funniest thing about them as Merry and Pip is their height deffrence haha.