The physics graduate asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering graduate asks "How does it work?"
The accountancy graduate asks "How much does it cost?"
The arts graduate asks "Do you want fries with that?"

.
Erwin Schrödinger walks into his vet's office and asks the doctor, "How's my cat?"

The vet replies "Your cat is dead."

Schrödinger replies, "Sorry I asked."

Past, present and future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

Why can the prelude to "Tristan und Isolde" be analyzed in two different keys?

Because Wagner was a Teutonic composer.

A Roman Centurion walks into a bar. Says, "I'll have a Martinum, please"
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean a Martini?"
"Look,", the Centurion replies, "If I'd wanted a freakin' double I'd have asked for one!"

.

Justin was having a drink at a local restaurant when he spotted an attractive woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering his courage, he approached her and asked, "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responded by yelling at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't come over to your place tonight!"

With everyone in the restaurant staring, Justin crept back to his table, puzzled and humiliated. A few minutes later, the woman walked over to him and apologized.

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," she said, "but I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying human reaction to embarrassing situations."

At the top of his lungs Justin responded, "What do you mean, two hundred dollars?"

.
Gacked from Harlan Ellison:



Rene Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "May I serve you, sir?"

Descartes answers, "I think not," and vanishes.