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I love you, Mom.


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Ashokan Farewell - Jay Ungur


Because...well, because.

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Uncharted
by Serai


“I think about you sometimes,” she says, leaning her head against one hand.

He smirks. ( 'That’s nice to know.' )

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Chapter 19 of High Contrast
Chapter 20

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A guest viewpoint. Another surprise.

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Transmission
by Serai


( Wanda Tyler never knows if her son is glad to see her or not... )

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Chapter 12 of High Contrast
Chapter 13

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So here it is. The longest fic I've written during my time on LJ. (12 years this month, if you want to know.) I know 3,500 words may not seem like a lot, but I'm fucking stunned. I kiss my Muse, but I wish he'd let me sleep...

A little warning: you know how my fics go, so don't expect sweetness and light. I mean like, really. And also, there's het leading up to the slash, so keep that in mind. And lastly, to my amazement, this fic reveals a huge amount about the relationship that's been in my C/Z timeline, so keep that in mind as well. It may change the way you see those earlier pieces. This time, it's Zeke who surprised the hell out of me. I had no idea he had all of this in him.

Enjoy...

I'd like to post this at jacked_up, but since that's a slash comm, I'm not sure this falls under their rules. What do you think?

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November
By Serai


( Zeke’s apartment surprises everyone who walks into it... )

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Chapter 6 of High Contrast
Chapter 7

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Good Will Hunting - Matt Damon and Robin Williams
"All that shit in there? It's not your fault."


This is the pivotal scene in this fine film, the emotional heart of it. The cool, cocky, genius kid slowly crumbles under the gentle, kind pressure of his therapist's insistence that no, he is not at fault for what happened to him. What was forced on him. How his heart was crippled. How he was betrayed.

When this film first came out, I was friends with the owner of a video store up in Santa Cruz. I used to hang out there after work, having long, long discussions with John, who was a lifelong movie fan and great fun. When he asked me what I thought of this film, I told him I thought it was a chick flick for guys. He was insulted by that, and we had a little argument about it. But when I showed up again a couple of days later, he told me he'd thought about what I said, and that I was right, and he had reacted that way simply because he took "chick flick" as a putdown. But I didn't mean it that way, and he got what I meant. And it is, really.


I posted a few comments on the Youtube page for this clip, and here they are:

When things are worst and I'm looking at that bottle of pills, I put this clip on, close my eyes and pretend Robin is talking to me, and cry just like Matt. And sometimes I can't stop for a long time.

In answer to a commenter who said he understood what was happening without living it:

No, you do have to live it. You can empathize, you can sympathize, you can commiserate. But trust me, you can't understand it unless you've been there. To someone whose head is not fucked up like that, the shape and contours of a mind that is would be incomprehensible.

And to another commenter who said he *couldn't* pretend to understand what was going on, but that sadly, too many people do:

Give thanks every day, dude. You have no idea what it is to live with the knowledge that every single bad thing that happens to you happens because you're a piece of shit and the world would be better if you'd never been born. It cripples Every. Single. Thing. in your life. You're incapable of any real relationships, you can't deal with anything the way happy people do, your very senses are muted and malfunctioning. NOTHING WORKS the way it should, because you're not worthy of life favoring you.

Be thankful. Be very very thankful. I would give everything I've ever owned and ever will to be able to say what you've said in that comment.

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Ray Bradbury has left the planet.


*sigh*

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Pocahontas - Neil Young and Crazy Horse


Commenting about live albums over at Slate, I looked up this song from Neil Young's Rust Never Sleeps. I've written before about Young's evocative voice, so limited and yet so beautifully wise and wistful. This song is one of my favorites, capturing as it does not only a great period in Young's career, but also his signature style of lyricism as well as his way of looking at our country through eyes that see clearly and at the same time long for what might have been, or never was, or never can be. It's sweet, sad, and beautiful.

Pocahontas - Johnny Cash


And in finding that, I also found this cover of the song by Johnny Cash. I didn't know he covered Young's stuff, but apparently he was quite a fan. Here he brings his own wisdom and weariness to the song, a different but equally heartrending perspective. Two giants at the top of their game.


Sweet dreams.

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Summer heat and melancholy...

I Hope I Don't Fall in Love with You & No One Knows I'm Gone - Tom Waits

Two from the master.


Hope you're all keeping cool on this sweltering night.